Life death and making a profit

Train Wreck ----
Human tragedy... for some reason this seems to grab the attention of most people... just watch those videos on Live Leak of people getting run over or some other accident.. or even go to www.rotten.com...

Now if i was in my teens I'd probably be a typical teen who would laugh at pretty much any personal tragedy of those I did not now.. though I'm not a teenager anymore... and having just listened to the Britney Murphy 911 tape.. it saddens me..and makes be remember a friend who died years ago...  There are times that I find myself more emotional than others..and on the verge of bursting into tears over situations.. now this has got me wondering about a number of things.. namely I know recently I have made large attempts to become calloused towards things.. events and things in life in general...though part of me doesn't want to do this.. I don't know.. it's a weird scenario at the moment.. I clicked on the 911 tape (go to youtube) link not really knowing what to expect.. part of it was the "train wreck" mentality.. what is it about.. but i found myself (and at this moment) getting emotional over what I heard.... sigh...  I'm sure I've been down this road before.. and I'm sure it won't be the last.. I don't really know what I'm trying to say.. maybe it's a combination of things.. maybe it's that I was surprised by what I heard and not expecting that end result... I'm saddened at the family's loss of B Murphy... She did entertain me in the few movies I did see of hers.. was she a great actress?.. not in my opinion...Maybe it's a combination of the sorrow and tragedy of the event that reminds me of my mortality.. reminds me of friends lost.. reminds me of how cruel this world really is.. family especially.. I don't know.. we look to things that help us deal with pain.. and I'm not just talking about drugs and or alcohol.. people can find other things that make their lives destructive.... work.. relationships... etc...

People are jacked up... point blank... there is no hope for them... and they cannot save themselves......

I'm not depressed about this.. damn in fact i don't think I've been depressed in a while.. which for me is a pleasant surprise...I'm using this as a means to write about me.. me for who I am.. while I'm not completely out of my "shell" so to speak.. I'm working towards that.. I have goals.. I have a goal for this year.. by Summer time.. and in fact i have a few goals by Summer time... part of it is being creative.. part of it is being less apathetic towards myself... which up until recently I hadn't spent a lot of time thinking about... I'll go into detail about that.. later.. I'm feeling rather "optimistic"... which if you know me... is never part of who I am...