fascist utopia

Laying in a bed in north Central Florida, with air conditioning and a cooling fan. Not unaware of this moment being unlike for billions of others. Not unaware of my insignificance and my own failings and humanity. Doom scrolling thru social apps and corporate owned news pushing the capitalist narratives. Laying here in bed in the midst of the US presidential bullshit cycle, thinking on the things of what would require a utopian society, realizing it would take fascism to bring about. It would require the dismantling of a mindset opposite to that ideal, by extreme means. The removal of a social cancer requires extreme measures... But our reality is convoluted and dystopian. 

A society that in all honesty I really do not want to be a part... I keep fighting my feelings on this and I question why I fight... What am I fighting for? I've yet to hear an argument worth a shit, and I'm also aware that it could very well be my brain chemistry giving me fucked up info.. but why is that? Is it that fucked up or do I see clearly? Yet also questioning that reasoning as well? 

Am I seeing clearly or am I bullshitting myself?

Is the drive for survival an illusion? I get that my absence would affect a number of others, and part of me is concerned about that, though this overriding drive to not want to be dogs me constantly. This I don't see reality the same as others, so why am I bound by others interpretations?